Who will tend the fire?
I’m sitting outside right now around a fire that I kindled and set for my daughter and her friends. It is now abandoned and I’m here tending to it so that it doesn’t jump the fire pit and spread. It’s quiet. Except for the crickets who sing me a lullaby and beckon me to put this fire out if its misery and go to bed.
I think about All Hallow’s Eve. I remember the people I’ve lost during the Pandemic and I wonder how they’ve shaped my life. I lost a step mom November 2019. She was my second step mom to pass away. It was sudden. She exuded joy. I didn’t know her enough to truly mourn her the way she deserved but I miss her. I miss her family. The Pandemic hit just as we were starting to grieve.
I lost my mother in love. She was so wise and loving. She was an amazing granparent and each memory of her is treasured. I know that my kids will pass on "Babi" stories to their children someday. We didn't get to go to her funeral. The world was shutdown.
I’ve lost my poll worker, a colleague in ministry, a strong presence in our church. He saw more than I’ll ever really know. I learned a lot from him but I know there was much wisdom that died with him.
I lost Kyle. His death is still too painful at times. He's pictured above. I hope he knows the bright light he had in our lives. I hope he knows the huge gap he left in this world. I hope he knows now how much he is and was loved.
We've buried too many people. My Uncle Mike, Cathy, Ed, James, Grace, Lee, Dick, Robert, David, Glen, Mark Allene...More than normal. Too many to name here. The Pandemic is real. And that reality is painful.
I can't tell you why they died. But I can tell you why they lived.
In the days to come we will remember the saints. The witness they left. We remember that we too will be a witness for others. And someday people will mourn our passing and miss our presence. But what I ponder right now is: when my fire dies down and the warmth and light is gone from my soul, who will sit and ponder the joy and wisdom I presented to the world?
I know that someone: my kids, my congregation, my friends...someone’s life is better because I lived out my calling. Not only do I mourn my own losses tonight, I mourn that I’ll never see the legacy that I’ve set up.
God turns this mourning into dancing though. With God’s love I know that this legacy will be strong and will grow to be even greater things than what I imagine now.
I am at peace because what I’m mourning is not dead. It has just transformed.
Until Everyone Hears,
Ephesians 2:10 - New Revised Standard Version
"For we are what he has made us, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand to be our way of life."
P.S. - I encourage you to remember the saints in your life who are still with us. In fact I challenge you. You can watch this week's Holy Mischief Challenge here: