Brokenness.

On our brokenness.

Often when I write about something that is less optimistic I get responses about my mental state: "Are you okay? It sounds like you are in a darker place." On the contrary, I'm in a good space because in spite of my brokenness, grief, fallenness, etc I still have the joy and peace that only comes from God. There is something called toxic positivity. Being positive too often that we ignore the darker side of life. That's not healthy. Nor is it healthy to dwell in the darkness.

Finding the balance of optimism in this life is the way to health and wholeness.

Sometimes I get a bit poetic...here are my musings on brokenness:

I am broken
and yet I hold onto the brokenness.
I play with it like a toy
It is uniquely mine.
I show it to others like a badge of distinction.
I don't welcome empathy
but I seek it.




I assign blame to my brokenness
and I relish when others agree with my naming of this blame.
It gives me great satisfaction
So much satisfaction that:
     I hold my brokenness tighter
     I share it more boldly
     I share it loudly
     I share it often.



Often enough that it becomes gossip
And the satisfaction that I feel from being self-righteous
prevents my healing.


I pray for healing.
I let it go.
I pick it back up.
(repeat)



Until one day the satisfaction and false sense of control 
          …wanes



So I put it down
I walk away
I grieve
I feel healed.



Until another day
when I am broken once more
And now I carry that brokenness with me
and I pick up my old brokenness

Holding both
Mourning that I'm in this place again.



Until I learn to let go
and pick up wholeness
and hold onto truth,
     love,
     kindness,
     the essence of God -
I'll keep trying to pick it back up.

Dr. K

P.S. - Psalm 147:3 (NIV)

He heals the brokenhearted
    and binds up their wounds.

P.P.S - The photo is of Pablo Picasso's "Girl before a mirror" 1932

#faith

#prayer

#HolyMischief