3 Ways to Love the Unlovable
Love isn’t always easy. Scratch that—sometimes it feels downright impossible. We all know people who frustrate us, challenge us, or make us want to throw up walls to protect ourselves. Yet, as Christians, we’re called to love even those who may seem unlovable. Why? Because love transforms—not just others, but us, too.
I’ve experienced this firsthand. Loving someone who hurt me mended what felt like an unrepairable relationship in my life. It wasn’t instant, and it wasn’t easy, but it softened hearts and opened doors that I thought were bolted shut forever. Here’s the thing—love isn’t about waiting until it feels natural or deserved. It’s an active choice. Love is a choice.
If this resonates with you, and you’re grappling with how to love someone difficult in your life, here are three actionable ways to make it happen.
1. See Them Through God’s Eyes
This one’s huge. When someone mistreats us, the easiest thing to do is reduce them to only their faults. They become “the rude coworker,” “the absentee parent,” or “the one who lied.” But what if we chose to see more?
Start by remembering this simple truth—they’re a child of God, worthy of love and grace. Just like you. That doesn’t excuse bad behavior, but it shifts your perspective. Picture how God loves them despite their flaws. It’s the same way He loves you despite yours.
When I started doing this in my own life, I found it so much harder to stay angry. I began seeing the hurt or struggles behind the person’s actions. That shift didn’t just help me love—it helped me forgive.
2. Pray for Them (and Yourself)
Prayer is your secret weapon. Seriously, it’s hard to stay bitter toward someone when you’re actively lifting them up to God. Pray for their happiness, their growth, their healing. Ask God to soften their heart and, importantly, to soften yours.
I’ve had moments praying for someone who hurt me when I realized I wasn’t just asking God to help them—I was also asking Him to help me. To overcome my anger. To strengthen my patience. To infuse me with His love, because I couldn’t muster it myself.
The act of prayer changes you. It pulls you out of any self-focused spiral and helps you connect with God’s purpose in the situation. Over time, you may find loving that person becomes less about obligation and more about genuine care.
3. Be Love in Action
Here’s where the rubber meets the road. Love isn’t a passive thing—it’s active. Even if your heart isn’t quite there yet, your actions can plant the seeds for transformation.
Try small acts of kindness. Write them a thoughtful note. Ask them how they’re doing and really listen. Offer your help without expecting anything in return. It might feel awkward or undeserved, but each gesture chips away at walls—sometimes their walls, and sometimes yours.
I remember reaching out to someone who’d deeply hurt me with a simple text. It wasn’t much, but it was genuine. It was my way of saying, “I see you, and I’m choosing to respond with grace instead of resentment.” Over time, that one vulnerable step led to more meaningful conversations and, eventually, healing.
Remember, your love might not change that person, but it will change you.
Love Transforms
Loving the unlovable isn’t about ignoring the pain or pretending everything’s fine. It’s about leaning into God’s love and letting it flow through you, even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.
When I chose love in my own broken relationships, I saw firsthand the power of transformationAn error occurred during generation. Please try again or contact support if it continues.
Until Everyone Hears,
Dr. K
P.S. – If you try to love them and it causes you (or someone else) harm, then it’s not the right timing. Give yourself some grace and time to heal, and then try again. It’s a process that, when it works, is beautiful.
